That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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