Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
