Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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