i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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