Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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