He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
