I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
