I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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