we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He? As in you personified your dick?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
