It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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