I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
don't judge my taste in strippers
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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