Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize