My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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