I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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