it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
