Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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