This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
