a search helicopter?!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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