Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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