i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
