i think i have herpe
just one?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize