I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
