somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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