my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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