New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
