Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, beer. Big fan.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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