tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
