Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
