was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
