Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize