I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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