so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
