I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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