Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
