youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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