the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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