Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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