i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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