Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want nice things and good sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
