I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
