You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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