ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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