Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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