God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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