Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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