sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize