My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
