So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
