I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
