she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
