Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
