Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize