Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love having hate sex.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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