what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
