Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
