i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
time to smoke my breakfast
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
