They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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