i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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