You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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