It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
