C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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