If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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