bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
