My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
