i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
