OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I cannot find my penis.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize