what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
