Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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