We're like a lot better than the average bears
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
