Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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