planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize